


come complete my hollow soul

by suckitaynrand



Category: Grace and Frankie (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26701069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckitaynrand/pseuds/suckitaynrand
Summary: You can only have so much hope before it begins to fade.If there is one thing Grace Hanson has learned in her 8 decades of being alive, that’s it.So when her hope does pan out, she is surprisedAnd terrified.
Relationships: Frankie Bergstein/Grace Hanson
Comments: 24
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

You can only have so much hope before it begins to fade.

If there is one thing Grace Hanson has learned in her 8 decades of being alive, that’s it.  
So when her hope does pan out, she is surprised

And terrified.

It was official, Nick was going to be gone for a long time.  
That leaves Grace with lots of time to question this while last year.

Frankie is present during that time.

Frankie cooks and cleans the way Grace has asked her to many times.  
She doesn’t pester Grace to eat more or drink less, she just pays attention to her own meal.  
She doesn’t bang pots and pans around when she’s cleaning up after dinner, she moves swiftly and gently.  
She joins Grace on the patio and silently encourages her to take a hit off of a joint rather than take another drink.  
She brings Grace a new bouquet of flowers up to put in the vase in her room every week, but knocks on the door before doing so.  
Most of all, she gives Grace all the space she needs.

And Grace hates it.

Grace wonders why after all the years they have spent living together, Frankie now decides it’s the right time to set boundaries.  
Grace wonders if she did something wrong.  
Grace wonders if Frankie isn’t happy living with her and her baggage anymore.  
Grace wonders if she isn’t enough for Frankie anymore.

And that breaks her heart.

She’s lonely.  
She’s lonely in the same way that she has felt with all of her partners.  
She’s lonely in the same way that she has been for all of her life.

And that’s when she notices the hole in her heart.

Grace wonders why no one has managed to fill it.  
Grace wonders if anyone ever will.  
Grace wonders if Frankie has that same hole in her heart too.

So she’ll ask.

Tonight, after dinner, she’ll help Frankie with the dishes, and when they rejoin on the patio, she’ll ask Frankie to come to bed with her.  
If she says yes, then they will most likely go about their respective nighttime routines and then join under the covers, not quite touching but so, so close. 

Then she will ask.

And maybe she’ll find the answer she’s looking for.


	2. Chapter 2

Frankie has always felt comfortable most of her life.

She always felt like she was at peace with events that had happened in the past and was ready to embrace the future. 

With the divorce finalized and Grace back at the house, she figured they would go back to the way they were.  _ That’s what they did after all, right? Two gals who bounce right back as soon as the fall down.  _

The first time, when Grace was with Guy, she had felt something shoot through her chest as she watched Grace kiss him. Was it jealousy? _ No. It couldn’t have been. Just the fact I had to drink that entire pitcher of margaritas by my lonesome. _ Once Grace called it off, things felt like they were going back to normal. When Frankie moved to Santa Fe, she knew it would be hard for both her and Grace. But once again, after the lodger moved out and her studio was put back together, their relationship was put back together as well, and she felt at peace. Now, after everything that has transpired, she feels suspended in time, surrounded by nothingness. She feels as if she has nothing to look back on and nothing to look forward to. She knows she can never leave Grace, can’t move onto someone else to fill the void. She couldn’t do that to her, or herself honestly. As much as they squabble and roll their eyes and, yes, sometimes fight with each other, they just fit somehow, in a way that Frankie doesn’t understand. 

Frankie will do anything to keep things the way they are, just sitting there, like normal, with nothing forward and nothing behind.

That’s why Frankie makes a conscious effort to change. She folds the towels, clothes, and even the goddamned fitted sheets (how Grace does it so  _ effortlessly  _ she will never know). She throws out all of the unhealthy snacks and cooks with all of the right ingredients. She does the dishes without banging them around in the sink too much. She’s been more quiet than she ever has been with anyone in her life, because she knows how much Grace likes peace and quiet. 

She stops making jokes about her and Grace and their non-existent not-so-platonic relationship. She stops the one thing that makes her feel truly safe.

She stops sleeping with Grace.

Grace hasn’t questioned it. Frankie can’t tell if she is enjoying the space or doesn’t give a damn. She tells herself that  _ it’s okay, you don’t have to have someone beside you all of the time _ and  _ you are a strong, independent goddess _ and also _ for fuck’s sake grow a pair _ . She puts herself through all of this uncomfortable change, only because, she tells herself, she wants Grace to say. She wants to be someone who Grace wants to be around. She’ll be damned if she doesn't try her hardest. So Frankie puts it all out on the table, shows Grace that she can be her person, that there doesn’t have to be anyone else except them and Vybrant and their families. 

And if Grace decides to move on with someone else, Frankie doesn’t know what she would do.

So she bottles up her emotions, takes a deep breath, and carries herself like an uptight WASP (she learned from the best) into the house to prepare dinner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all are liking where this is going. I love any and all feedback and would love any critiques or suggestions.


	3. Chapter 3

After being cooped up in her room for most of the day, Grace made her way downstairs and had dinner with Frankie. Frankie had prepared vegan tortellini with roasted vegetables. It was very good. Grace was appreciative of Frankie’s effort that she put into dinner. 

As soon as they both had finished their quiet meal, Grace made way to the kitchen with the dishes. She turned on the tap and started rinsing off the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. As she loaded this dishwasher, her mind wandered back to what she was going to ask Frankie for tonight. 

She knew she shouldn’t be nervous, but she had never formally invited Frankie into her bed before. She always just climbed in against Grace’s will or occasionally asked. What if she thought it was weird, or if she just didn’t want to? The last thing Grace wanted was for Frankie to join her in bed out of pity. The thought of that made an uncomfortable feeling form in her gut.

She poured the detergent into the dishwasher and started the cycle. She turned over to the cabinet to pull out two wine glasses. She figured Frankie would have gone out to her studio by now, so she planned on asking her in for a nightcap. But as she turned around to walk towards the liquor cabinet, Frankie was sitting at the island, staring straight at her. Grace startled slightly, her eyes wide. Both women said nothing.

Wary of the awkward silence, Grace let out a soft chuckle.

“You were so quiet, I didn’t know you were there.”

“I’m sorry, did I scare you?” Frankie asked quietly, not quite reaching Grace’s eye.

“No. I um… I was just about to find you to see if you wanted to have a drink with me.”

She held up the two glasses, eyebrows raised. Frankie nodded in response, a small, tight small upon her lips.

“Want to watch Ray Donovan?” Grace asked as she poured the wine.

Frankie nodded, and Grace walked the duo towards the couch. Grace sat in her normal spot by the end table, Frankie, on the far opposite cushion. They haven’t had much alone time together recently. The divorce and responsibilities that came with that kept Grace busy and out of the house. But that certainly didn’t make Grace not realize the enormous amount of space between them. Usually, a couple of months ago, back when they watched tv together every night, They sad side by side, arms and legs bumping, one of them occasionally laying their head in the other’s lap if they were particularly tired. Now Frankie seemed to be making a concerted effort to give Grace space when that is the last thing she wants right now.

Grace feels a shiver run through her as if she was stripped naked and left out in the open.

“What were you up to today?” Grace asks as she shifts on her cushion and fiddles with the remote.

There’s a long pause. Grace was expecting an onset of answers ranging along the lines of “Oh this and that.” or “I finally went to that new Del Taco that opened up on Brasser, but I felt like I was betraying my original taco fam.” or maybe even the “more personal market research for Vybrant.”

All she gets this time is a “not much”

This time Grace opts for humor.

“Really? That’s all I get? You’re the most out-there person I know. I thought you would’ve at least maybe tried to paint something. Or try to make a whirlpool in the pool. And if we’re really talking big, maybe you did your own laundry.” Grace says as she playfully shoves Frankie’s shoulders.

Frankie smiles and shrugs, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

Grace stares at her, and after a while, Frankie speaks. 

“Grace…”

She says it slowly, almost so quiet that Grace can’t hear it (she definitely has better hearing out of the two of them), and It doesn’t come out as a question or like it’s trying to grab her attention. Her sentence stops there. Grace watches her name roll off her tongue as if it were such a natural movement that it might as well have been a part of Frankie’s being. Grace can feel her heart start pounding. Frankie’s nervous energy from earlier seeming somehow to shift over to her own form.

While Frankie still stares at the TV, Grace tries to understand why her name tripping out of Frankie’s lips made her stumble. Why was it filling her with a sudden panic, as is Frankie might dart away if Grace doesn’t make a safe space for her. This is what causes her to move over to the couch cushion closest to Frankie and put her hand on her shoulder. Frankie startles and turns to face Grace. She looks dazed, almost as if she were in a trance, but she is tense, looks ready to run. 

“Do you, um, do you maybe want to sleep with me tonight?” Grace asks, mustering up her best Say Grace smile, her voice wavering with plastered on courage.

Frankie’s brows knit together, almost as if she didn’t hear Grace.

“I just know we haven’t had much time together recently, you know with the divorce being finalized and whenever I am home you always seem to be out of the house and...um. I just thought it would give us some time to talk to each other and catch up.”

_ That sounds reasonable enough  _ Grace decides. Grace is ripped out of her thoughts by Frankie rapidly nodding her head. Grace can’t help but notice how much  _ life  _ has returned to Frankie’s form just in the few seconds after Grace’s request. That glint is back in her eyes and she turns her body toward Grace, her eyes wide with something that looks like awe. She no longer looks like she is about to run away.

“Are you sure? I know you like your space.” Frankie asks, her voice finally returning to its normal volume.

“Yes, I’m sure. I’ve never thought I’d say this, but I may miss your late-night incoherent ramblings with you and yourself, and there is a distinct lack of disorganization in my room that I only trust one specific person to make into a presentable mess.”

_ I miss the scent of sage and patchouli, your ridiculously patterned socks, your shoulder rubs, you letting me braid your hair for bed, your breath tickling my neck  _ goes unsaid. Grace tries really hard to push those thoughts out of sight.

“I’m assuming I am that one specific person?” Frankie says as she looks up at Grace through her lashes. Her smile so bright it reaches itself into Grace’s own form, and Grace finds the corners of her mouth turning up without her permission.

Instead of answering, Grace wraps her arms around Frankie and chuckles.

“Yes, Frances. You are that person” Grace says as she blows Frankie’s hair out of her mouth.

After that, they don’t speak. Frankie’s arms pull Grace in closer, showing no signs of letting her go. Grace wants to tell her more. She wants to tell her how much she missed her when she had to go to court, how she only thought of Frankie the whole time. She wants to know if Frankie feels like something is missing since they fit their lives back together again after Nick. Wants to know why Frankie hasn’t been herself lately.

_ Tell me how I can make it better. How can I find the piece of us that is missing since I came back?  _ Grace thinks. 

Of course, Grace understands that Frankie has been trying to pick up after herself, volunteering to do more chores, and being less disruptive because she knew Grace didn’t need the added stress of housekeeping and could have time to process. Grace is pretty sure it goes beyond that though. That look that she saw in Frankie’s eyes when she said her name earlier isn’t new. It’s the same one Grace has seen glimpses of since she came back. It almost looks like part of her is missing, or like she needs a battery change. 

Grace pats Frankie’s back as she pulls out of the hug. Frankie’s expression is softened, but that look of uncertainty is still in her eyes. Grace pushes herself off the couch and reaches out for Frankie’s hand, helping her up.

“Are you ready to torture me with your ice cube toes?” 

Instead of her normal sarcastic retort, Frankie just shrugs sheepishly and begins walking towards the stairs. Grace watches as she starts to ascend.  _ She looks so small,  _ Grace’s brain supplies. All Grace can think about as she begins her trek up the stairs is how she can fix this, how can she fill this space that seems to be separating them from their normal dynamic. As much as Frankie likes to process and overshare, it shouldn’t be that hard of a feat to pull off.

After they have both gone through their nightly routine and settled in bed, Grace turns on her side to look at Frankie, who is faced away from her. Talking about her feelings has never been easy for her, not to mention the outcome of doing so has come back to kick her in the ass most of the time. Which is why it surprises her when she speaks without her permission,

“I’m really happy your here Frankie. I miss our talks.” 

It’s been a few seconds, and Grace wonders if Frankie has fallen asleep and her words were only heard by the four walls of her room, but then Frankie turns over so that she’s facing Grace. 

“I’m happy too, Grace.”

Her face looks serene. Her hair is in a tight braid, courtesy of Grace, and her face is shiny in the soft lamplight. Grace remembers the feeling of that soft hair, the way Frankie shivered as Grace’s fingers brushed against her neck.  _ So beautiful _ her brain tells her for absolutely no reason. Seeing Frankie softened for the night lowers her defense, and for the second time in the past five minutes, she finds herself spewing out her feelings again against her will.

“You’ve been very...um, quiet and sort of blocked off since I came back. I just… want to make sure that everything is ok.” 

A few more moments of silence pass, Frankie’s eyes shift towards the blanket, her hands fidgeting with the edge of the duvet.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Grace whispers.

“I know Grace, I really do. I think I’m just… adjusting. You’re right, we haven’t had much time to talk to each other since the divorce and I guess I just wanted to give you space. I didn’t want to push you to divulge anything you didn’t want to. I know I can be a bit much sometimes with all of my… well, everything.” 

Just as Grace is about to speak, she starts up again, this time Grace notices the tears in her eyes, about to spill over. She blinks too fast and two twin drops run down her cheeks onto the pillow. Her words are interrupted with short, hiccupping gasps.

“And sometimes… sometimes I worry that I’m stressing you out or being too much, and I worry that maybe that sometimes that drives you away, so I was, um, trying to just give you all the space you need and to be more helpful. I was scared that if I didn’t change and just bothered you all the time, then you would want to getaway. I just want you to feel comfortable and safe. That’s all I carry about.”

Grace goes again to speak, but Frankie keeps going, tears coming in full.

“I know talking about your feelings isn’t really your thing, Grace, but I know you have just gone through a lot of really hard shit with the divorce and I want to make sure that you are doing what you want to do. I noticed that even after I gave you space, picked up my slack with Vybrant and the chores, that you didn’t seem… happy. You just look sort of sad. That’s the last thing I want for you. I need you to be happy and if that isn’t at the beach house with me, then that’s your truth. And I respect that. I just need you to tell me because as much as I try, I can’t always tell what you want or what you’re feeling. But, you can tell me, I promise.”

Frankie looks at her like she is bracing for the news as if she truly expects Grace to say that she isn’t happy, that she doesn’t want her life to be with Frankie anymore.

Grace wants to speak, wants to say things along the lines of  _ No, I couldn’t  _ and  _ Never _ , _ my life is here with you. I thought I made that clear when I left my husband for you.  _ But that’s not what comes out, instead, when she tries to speak, all that comes out is a broken sob. 

She flops down onto her back, unable to comprehend the fact that Frankie is beside her, waiting for an answer to a serious question that must have been plaguing her for  _ weeks _ . Grace is briefly aware of Frankie’s face above her, eyes full of panic and hand gripping her shoulders. She knows she’s being hysterical, that she’s overreacting, but Frankie’s words broke down her walls to fast, knocking her off of her equilibrium. It  _ hurts. _ It hurts almost too much to think of Frankie feeling that way. 

Instead of resurfacing from hysteria, her mind catapults her through a series of questions.  _ Why? How could you even say that!? After all we’ve been through, Say Yes nights, businesses, promise kisses… Do you think that means nothing to me? _

She covers her mouth with one hand and squeezes her eyes shut, willing herself to calm down. She finally hears Frankie’s panicked voice above her.

“I’m fine, Frankie.” she rasps out.

“Grace-”

“Just give me one minute. I’ll be okay in one minute.” 

She counts in her head, timing her breaths. After the minute is up, she opens her eyes to see Frankie on her knees beside her peering down at her. Frankie is breathing fast, her eyes red from crying. Those eyes are full of concern, and the grip on her shoulders is like a safety net. Grace knows that nothing can hurt her at this moment. 

They stare at each other for a long time. 

After a while, Frankie slowly starts to sit up and move back to her side of the bed. Grace finds herself moving into a seated position, her back against the headboard. She quickly moves over into Frankie’s space, grabbing her shoulders with as much strength as Frankie did not even two minutes ago. Frankie’s head turns toward her and Grace reaches up and cups her face. Frankie’s eyes go wide. They’re breathing the same air, breathing each other in.  _ How could anyone not want this? _ Grace wonders. And just like that, her eyes burn from new tears as she finally speaks.

“Frankie… _ how _ !? Why would you think that?” 

“I don’t know! I just thought-”

“After everything we’ve gone through, how could your mind even come to that conclusion!” Grace is almost yelling at this point, she knows she needs to bring it down, but the anger is filling her chest and she has to let it out.

“Grace, I didn’t know for sure! That’s why I asked you. I want to make sure you’re-” 

As Grace’s voice increases in volume, Frankie’s shrinks. Frankie is crying again, tears running from her checks and quickly making their way down her face.

“I came back! I came back because I  _ want  _ to be here. I  _ want _ to live my life here with you! With  _ you _ , Frankie! I told you! How could you know that and come to this conclusion?”

“Please, stop yelling at me. I was just trying to give you an opportunity to tell me what you want!  _ Please just stop _ .” Frankie pleads.

She stops. Her palm still cups Frankie’s face and her other hand still grips her shoulder. The only sound is their heavy breaths. They stay like that, suspended in this terrifying state, for what seems like an infinite amount of time. Frankie breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to upset you. I just had to know.” 

She says this with so much tenderness in her voice that Grace nearly melts. It’s this that loosens her tongue and lets loose the truth.

“I want you. I need to be with you” 

“I know. And I’m here for it. I’m here, I promise”

Frankie stretches up and solidifies her promise with a kiss on Grace’s forehead.

“Frankie, I don’t think you understand what… what I’m saying.” 

She can’t believe she saying this. Can’t believe that Frankie is about to find out her feelings for the first time along with Grace. Grace’s mind is screaming  _ i want you. I need you. Please say you need me. Want me, please. _

Frankie reaches up and cups her face so tenderly, Grace can’t help but melt into the touch. 

“Grace, what do you want?” she asks softly.

“Don’t Frankie…” she stammers “Don’t ask me that. I can’t- please I just can’t-”

“Sweetheart, tell me.” 

“Frankie…”

“Anything, Grace. I swear I’ll do anyth-”

She has more than enough permission. She presses their lips together. Grace grabs Frankie and pulls her closer. Frankie’s fingers slide down her neck and then up to tangle in her hair, both of them letting out soft moans after each stroke. She tastes so good. It’s hard and rough and absolutely perfect. Frankie opens her mouth to her and she can taste both of their tears. _ A whole world _ she thinks. She runs her hand up and down Frankie’s ribcage, but when her fingers brush against her breasts, Frankie abruptly pulls back.

“Wait, Grace please...”

She feels the familiar panic rise in her chest, clogging up her throat.

“Oh my god, fuck… I’m so sorry Frankie I-”

“No! No please it’s okay! I just… need a minute.”

Frankie shrinks away from her and puts a hand to her forehead, elbows resting on her knees. After a few moments, Grace speaks.

“Is this not what you want?” Grace says shakily.

Frankie’s head snaps up so quickly grace jumps a little.

“I want you,” She says clearly, looking straight into Grace’s soul. “I want you so much, Grace”

Frankie lunges forward and takes Grace’s bottom lip into her mouth, nipping gently. But when Grace reaches out to touch her, Frankie’s kissing falters. She tries again, but before she can reach Frankie’s hand intercepts, the glint in her eyes shadowed by fear.

“ _ Honey, I can’t.” _

Frankie runs her fingers through Grace’s golden locks, almost as if touching her is giving her the strength she needs to say what she needs to say.

“I want you, Grace so much. I really do. We need to wait. We just can’t yet.”

Grace nods, understanding. She knows Frankie better than she knows herself. She knows that Frankie takes sex very seriously, knows that even though Frankie talks a big flirtatious game, her confidence becomes half its former size when actually faced with real, life-changing romance. She knows her fears about intimacy, knows it takes her a long time to feel comfortable, even with people she trusts. Grace feels guilty for pushing her too far.  _ We still have so much to talk about. _

“I’m sorry, Frankie” 

“Don’t be sorry,” she clutches Grace’s hand to her heart “I’m the sorry one. I want to give you so much more, but I just can’t yet.”

“I don’t want to push you.”

“You won’t. I’m a big girl, I’ll tell you if things are going too far too fast.” 

At this moment, Grace realizes how close they are. Their thighs are touching and they are practically in each other’s laps, hands clasped together. Grace wonders if Frankie can feel how right this is, them together, energy mixing.

Gaining some composure, Grace tries to help them along.

“We have so much to talk about, but I’m so tired.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Do you still want to sleep with me? I understand if you’re uncomfortable and want to sleep in the-”

“No,” She says firmly “I want to be with you.”

_ All the time _ Grace thinks.

She reaches over to turn the light off and pulls the covers over her. Frankie does the same. She closes her eyes and tries to calm down her racing mind, but something is bothering her.

“Frankie?”

“Hmm?” 

“Is it okay if you, um, hold me? Only if you feel like it. I understand if not.” 

She gets an answer when she feels Frankie scoot closer and snakes her arm around her waist, pulling her in. She feels her back connect to her front, Frankie’s breath tickles the back of her neck. Grace places her hand on Frankie’s and holds on firmly, wanting them to be connected to each other as much as possible. 

There is only one more thing…

“Can I kiss you?” Trips out of her mouth.

She thinks that Frankie might not have heard her, or that the request was too much, just as she’s about to apologize, Frankie lifts herself up and draws Grace in, kissing her oh-so softly. Relief flutters in her stomach and she shivers. Frankie settles back in and presses a kiss against her shoulder.

“Frankie… I love you.” she whispers, fear spiking and guilt rising, worrying she’s pushing Frankie too far, that this will make her run for the hills.

She also feels guilty for doubting Frankie, especially after what has transpired between them.

Frankie pulls her in closer.

“I love you more than you’ll ever know” Frankie whispers, pressing another kiss this time to the back of her neck.

Despite all of the looming questions, Grace sleeps better than she ever has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! here is an update for all of you wonderful people! Hopefully, in the future, it will not take me this long to update! let me know how you guys feel about this chapter in the comments!


	4. Chapter 4

Frankie wakes with a start, the events of last night coming back to her. She feels a warm sensation spreading throughout her body, and she wants to bask in it. Wants to enjoy the feeling of loving and being loved, being intimate with Grace and opening up completely, but the warm feeling soon ices over with fear.

As much as a show she puts on, the one that tells people that she’s game for everything, she’s very timid when it comes to intimacy. She’s always been partial to her own heart rather than her significant others, always scared to trust that when she falls, they will be there to catch her. She would rather opt to just not take the jump at all.

It happened with Sol. It took months before she let him in, let each other explore their bodies in the most powerful way. Although she eventually felt comfortable with Sol, she never quite got there with Jacob. She would find herself sacrificing parts of herself to make it easier for both of them, less baggage to navigate through. She feels guilty for not letting him see the real her, especially since he tried so hard to. Just when she was starting to get comfortable with him, about the possibility of becoming intimate with one another, the lunch happened. Grace drank too much, ate cake, and shoved Frankie in her chair, and threw her anxieties in her face in front of her children and the one person she had been trying to hide them from.

She and Jacob had a long conversation that night. He understood her fears and would wait for however long she needed. Still, she couldn’t overcome the fear that she wasn’t enough.

But Grace… oh Grace. She was so much more. Frankie has never known someone who knows her as Grace does. Grace knows every part of her and says she loves it all, says she’ll take it all. Then she remembers. Remembers all of the shitty comments, the judgemental looks, the bender… Grace’s drinking has always confused Frankie. She could never tell if Grace’s true feelings came out when she was sober or when she was three sheets to the wind.

That is why opening up completely, mixing her energy with someone else scares her so much, makes her averse to the act of intimacy. She’s fragile. She breaks easily.

And no one knows how to hurt her better than Grace does. 

She loves her. She loves her in every way with her entire heart and soul. She wants to be there for Grace, to hold her through tears and scary movies, to touch her and kiss her and make her forget everything. In order to do that, they need to talk. Frankie doesn’t want to enter a relationship if she knows there’s the possibility that either of them will get hurt. She needs to know now rather than later if she needs to be prepared to run.

It will be hard. It will be emotional and uncomfortable and could possibly distance them from each other, but Frankie needs this to be laid out, needs Grace to promise to protect her and in return, let Frankie do the same. And in order to make those promises, they have to push their desire away and simply be.

Because if they don’t… if Grace changes her mind or if Frankie isn’t moving fast enough for her and she leaves, she knows, _ just knows  _ that she could never love again. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little chapter today! I wanted to make sure that we get Frankie's thought process in for clarity's sake before we dive into some more dialogue and action. Let me know what you're thinking!


	5. Chapter 5

Grace opens her eyes. Squints against the bright light shining in from the open balcony doors, the sea breeze filling her with a sense of peace and tranquility. 

She reached her left arm out, searching for Frankie’s warmth. Instead, she was met with the cool feeling of the satin on her skin. She opened her eyes to see that Frankie’s side of the bed had been made, pillows placed back where they belong. She recalled after the events of last night how Frankie had wrapped herself around her, shielded her, had provided the protection for Grace to fall asleep peacefully. 

And now she was gone. Leaving behind only the sweet, faint scent of patchouli and something else Grace couldn’t exactly place. She finds herself grabbing Frankie’s pillow, burrowing in, and breathing in the sweet scent of her _ favorite person _ . She wants nothing more than to get up and seek out her presence, her warmth,  _ that smile _ .

So she does. She stands up, feeling her tendons and ligaments stretch to her full height. Grabbing her robe, she throws it on hastily, not bothering to run a comb through her hair or brush her teeth. _ Not important _ . Frankie is important. _ That’s all that matters _ .

By the time she made it downstairs, she had already made up in her mind as to where Frankie would be. She checked the kitchen first, then the patio, meditation room… nothing. Her last option would be the studio. She was already daydreaming about how she would greet her.  _ She’ll be painting something beautiful. I’ll come in and wrap my arms around her, kiss her and hold her, ask about her dreams and tell her mine. I’ll tell her how good it felt for us to be together last night, tell her how much I love her.  _

She bursts in the studio door.

“Good morning Fra-” 

But she is nowhere to be found, a painting is the only thing that greets Grace. When she steps closer so that she can see it, see the texture and colors, her heart sinks. A feeling not unlike dread creeping into her stomach.

It’s dark. That’s the first thing she notices. No bright colors whatsoever. Very unlike Frankie. There’s something about it that transports her way back, launches her into a panic, causing her hand to fly to her chest. She hears ringing. 

It’s a hand. it reaches from the dark water, reaching for the surface. But something is holding it back, something black and dark and scary. It wraps itself tightly around the wrist and laces through the fingers as the hand strains against its restraint, fighting to not be pulled into the bottomless gray darkness. 

Fear pounds through her veins. It’s the fear that she has lost the best thing she’s ever had, that she will never be able to show Frankie just how much she loves her. Fear that she didn’t assure Frankie that it would work out, she had lost the one true, pure love of her life.

The look of the painting, the fear it sparks matches the look that Frankie had in her eyes yesterday, that she’s had since Grace came back. The lost, dark look that looked like it was sucking the life out of Frankie, made her a different person. The same one she had seen in the woman she loved, still loved, so long ago. The one who did not think she was worth it, and therefore left. Left in the worst way possible. Grace senses all rationale leave her body, leaving her to assume the worst. 

A deep need to be near Frankie, to make sure she’s okay, to tell her everything takes over Grace. Not able or willing to wait it out, to wait for Frankie to return from wherever she has gone, or try calling her phone. Grace bursts out of the studio door and heads to the beach. 

The wind catches in her hair and her robe, and Grace struggles to keep her robe shut as she half-jogs towards their spot on the beach. Tears cloud her vision. Her anxiety builds with every step. Her breathes comes out in ragged bursts. By the time she sees the gray figure in the distance, she’s panting and running faster than she thought her aging body could.

  
  


“Frankie!” She calls, the wind and her tears making it hard for her words to go very far.

When she gets close enough to slow down, she doesn’t. She knows Frankie is speaking to her, but she doesn’t hear anything. All she can focus on is making her feet move as fast as they can so that she is close enough to crash their bodies together and wrap her arms around Frankie, pulling her in impossibly close. She doesn’t care about the cold, biting wind. She doesn’t care about her aching joints or the sand that gets in her eyelashes and nose as she buries her face into Frankie’s neck. 

“Whoa… hey, it’s alright. Grace, what’s wrong? Tell me please,” She gently pulls away from Grace and smooths her hands over her hair, eyes full of concern once she sees that panic in Grace’s eyes, “Hey, you’re okay what happened?” 

Grace only squeezes her tighter

Frankie’s brows knit together as she tries to piece together what is happening. It’s with a gentle “oh, sweetheart it’s ok, you’re alright, I’ve got you” that she gently helps lower Grace- exhausted and hysterical for the second time in 24 hours, overwhelmed by all the emotions of the past few weeks catching up with her while mixing with her fear- onto the ground. Just as Frankie manages to lower herself down next to her, Grace lunges practically into her lap. She wraps her arms around Frankie’s neck and presses her face into her neck, heavy sobs wracking her body. 

“Don’t leave me. _ Please _ , I can- Please don’t.”

Frankie tries to pry Grace away from her so she can look in her eyes, ask her what in the world she is talking about, but she won’t budge.

“Don’t you dare do that to me, don’t scare me like that. I need you, please, please don’t do that to me.”

She seems to lose the ability to speak as heavy, wracking sobs take over her body, causing her body to shake and spasm with each cry. As the sound of her best friend’s pain falls upon her ears, all Frankie can do is hold her and run her hand soothingly up and down her back as she lets out her fear, her heartache, her pain to the universe. 

They sit there for what seems like days, Frankie holding Grace together as her cries turn into soft whimpers, which eventually fade into little sniffles. Frankie doesn’t move, doesn’t jar Grace until she feels her body finally relax against her own, only then does she speak.

“Jesus Christ, honey,” she whispers against Grace’s head.

She strokes Grace's hair and gently leans back so she can see her face. Her eyes are swollen and red-rimmed and her cheeks are wet. The blue in her wet eyes so vivid that it almost doesn’t look real. Her breath comes out with little hiccups and gasps, and Frankie wants nothing more than to pull her back in and protect her from  _ everything _ . Wiping her own tears away, she grabs an extra towel she brought with her around Grace, shielding her from the chilly wind. 

She tilts Grace's head up gently with her index finger.

“Tell me.”

Grace grabs her hand and pulls it to her heart.

“You’re painting. I- I don’t know what I was thinking but it scared me and I thought something had happened, and I couldn’t find you anywhere. I was so scared, I thought I lost you.”

Frankie's heart sinks. Knowing that she caused this- unknowingly causing Grace pain- nearly breaks her. 

“Honey, you know I would never… I’m not like that. I would never do that to our family, to you. Not in a million years.”

“I know, I was being ridiculous -believe me I understand that, but after last night, I just thought about what you said about how you didn’t think you were enough for me, that you were just in the way, and all I could think about was my mother and how she left.”

“Wait, Grace. What does that-”   
  
“My mom, uh, she passes. When I was twelve. She did it herself.”

Frankie is beginning to understand.

“I would always hear her say the same things. I remember one time when she and my father were fighting. She had just found out about his mistress and I remember her saying _ I’m not enough for you. I never made you happy. It would be easier for everyone if I was just gone.  _ Dad- he uh, brought down a doctor, a specialist of some sort to talk to her, and I remember her saying  _ I feel like I’m drowning. Something is pulling me down and I can’t reach the surface, even though I want to.  _ She was gone three months later.”

Frankie holds back a sob, determined to let Grace continue to release what she needs to in this moment.  _ Oh, Grace. Oh, my sweet girl… _

“And last night Frankie, oh my god, when you said those things, it was like I was transported back to that moment. I knew it wasn’t true. I knew it. But then I went to look for you this morning and saw your painting, and I just panicked. You told me one time that you paint what you feel, and my mind immediately just jumped to the worst conclusion possible. I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t want to exist without you, Frankie. People can mock that to hell and back, but it’s true. I love you so much. I’m sorry I couldn’t face that fact sooner.”

Letting out a gasping sob, it’s Frankie this time that flings her arms around Grace and pulls her into her own form. She pulls back, gently brushing her thumb along Grace’s cheekbone, and collides their lips together urgently. Grace opens up to her immediately, allowing Frankie to slide in and explore, little whimpers and small, desperate moans piercing the air. 

All too soon though, the conversations they need to have begin to press heavily, and Frankie pulls back with a peck to Grace’s lips, her hands running through her hair, down her shoulders and arms, until finally, she can clasp their hands together. 

“Grace, I would never. Okay? Never. And you’re right, I do paint what I’m feeling, but it was not that. Never that. Honey, I’m so sorry about your mother. That’s a terrible thing to go through, but I’ve got you now. I’m not going anywhere, as long as I can help it. Okay?”

Grace shakes her head rapidly, seemingly lost in Frankie’s eyes.

“I love you, Grace Hanson, so much. You have no idea. And honey, life isn’t worth it without you either, so as long as I have you and you have me, we’re okay. And even when I’m not here-here-”

“No. Don’t say that” Grace interrupts, fear lacing her voice as she grips Frankie’s hands tighter.

“Honey, l know, but listen, I’m still going to be here,” She puts her hand over Grace’s heart “I’ll be here forever, sweetheart, and we’ll be having the same argument over Liev Schreiber for the next millennium. Sound good?”

At that, Frankie finally sees the corners of Grace’s mouth curl into a little smile. Her heart jumps a little at that, the same way it does whenever she is fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of her beautiful smile. Grace nods her head eagerly and Frankie can’t help but pull her in for another kiss.

“I know we have a lot to talk about, but my joints aren’t going to let me get up off of the ground if I stay like this much longer, and your’s won’t either. What’d you say we go back inside and I’ll slice us up some grapefruit, hmm?”

“Yes, please. Take me home.”

They walk back to the house, sandy towels draped over their shoulders, their hands intertwined. Grace is exhausted, so is Frankie. The nuclear fallout of their emotions weighing heavily on their limbs. When they make it to the house, they trudge up the stairs, tracking sand and god knows what else in their wake. When they reach the bedroom, Frankie will go in the bathroom and run a hot bath, throw in a handful of salts, lead Grace into the bathroom and leave her with a kiss on her cheek, giving her the freedom to wash away the tears and pain. She herself will then retreat and do her own version of this, imagine Grace upstairs relaxing, feeling good. She'll go downstairs afterward and make them both tea, then return to the bedroom.

They have to talk, they really do. So many unanswered questions that deserve answers, but it can wait. Wait until they both aren’t hungry and covered in sand. Wait until after they lay down in Grace’s bed, sealing promises to each other's lips _-i’m here, i’m not leaving, it’s okay it will be okay, i love you, we’ll figure it out_ \- and then falling asleep huddled together, not letting the unknown get in between this honest, beautiful connection that they are so, so lucky to share.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is one of my many takes on what could happen in season 7! I hope to update soon! Any feedback is appreciated. I would love to hear some ideas for this story and where you would like to see it go! The title and my idea of the story are from the poem "I have a hole inside my heart" by Leone. You can read it here at https://hellopoetry.com/poem/519795/i-have-a-hole-inside-my-heart/ I highly encourage that you take the time and read this wonderful poem! It really relates to this first chapter perfectly and will play a big role later on!


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